I’ve been noticing a theme in parents today and that is that they love to help their children. I mean really help them. I mean, solve their problems for them or try to avoid letting them have any problems at all. I love to help my kids too but I also know that problems are good for kids. I also know that we’re wired to solve problems. So if we get rid of all our problems, our brains will just make up more for us and that’s not usually a good thing.
Why problems are good for kids
- builds resilience
- develops self-confidence
- strengthens kids
- helps them do hard things
- helps them learn life lessons
- helps them develop new skills, talents and hobbies
- helps them be happier
How knowing this helps if you have a difficult toddler
Difficult toddlers may love to solve problems more than regular toddlers and aren’t getting enough opportunities to do so. Be sure to let them do things by themselves.
Problems toddlers need to solve on their own:
- getting dressed
- feeding himself
- cleaning up after himself
- picking up toys, washing the table where he sat, sweeping his crumbs with a little broom or vacuum
- figuring out toys
- shape sorters
- cash register
- buckling baby in stroller
- play kitchen
- building train tracks
- getting things by themselves
- picking out books at the library
- using stool to reach things like a banana, box of crackers
- climbing things
- You get the idea! Let them do as much as possible by themselves
If toddlers aren’t allowed to solve problems, they will make them up:
- hitting
- being uncooperative
- throwing fits
- making messes
I know you’re thinking all toddlers throw fits and makes messes. Yes, but I’m talking about excessive fits or messes. When they’re doing them on purpose to see what will happen and cause a problem to solve. Instead give your toddler plenty of constructive problems to solve on their own. Ask him if he can climb onto the trampoline by himself, ride his tricycle, bring Mommy a diaper, build a tower as tall as him, etc. Resist the urge to help him do everything. This will keep his brain occupied happily solving problems and he’ll create less of them for you.
My youngest boys, Anderson and Samuel, grinding the wheat for me. Kids love to help with projects!
Why problems are good for teenagers
Like toddlers, teenager brains have an extra need for problems to solve. They are designed for this, yet sometimes we hold them back by telling them what to do all the time: clean their rooms, be on time for school, practice the piano, do their homework, etc. We don’t give them the freedom to make their own choices, plan their life, solve their own problems.
If you haven’t been letting them get into little scrapes in childhood and solve their own problems (fighting with friends or not turning in homework), they will especially find bigger problems in their teen years to solve. Things like risky driving, drinking, smoking, premarital sex, lying, dropping out of school, etc.
It’s important to let kids have problems
The bottom line is let kids have problems and solve them themselves. It starts small with letting them do puzzles, shape sorters and other non-risky toys. Then gets bigger with letting them climb things, ride bikes, jump rope, play with friends. Don’t jump in and put your child at the top of the slide or solve arguments. This is hindering their learning process of figuring these things out for themselves. Then their brain will find bigger problems to solve that they can’t solve.
#1 thing to helping kids solve their own problems
The number 1 thing to giving your children the ability to solve their own problems is….PLAYTIME!!
Free play time is essential for children learning how to do so many things. Organized sports and activities are great, but adults are there solving problems for your children, not equipping them with the self confidence and resilience needed to figure it out on their own. Instead, give you child hours of free play time every day.
Great activities to foster problem solving, self-confidence, and resilience
- building forts
- learning a sport on your own: tricks on a trampoline, shooting hoops
- jump roping
- hop scotch
- climbing trees
- making puppets
- writing and performing a skit or play
- learning a musical instrument (especially if self-taught; see this post on self-taught pianists)
- building a fire in your wood stove, while camping or in your fire pit
- creating something with play doh, clay, ceramics
- doing any art work
- writing a poem, story, or book
- organizing your closet or bedroom
- planting and nurturing a garden
- playing circus or talent show
- juggling
- making up a game
- caring for animals
I could go on and on! Kids need lots of play time to be bored, come up with a project, and work on it. My kids love to build bike trails in the woods, play restaurant in the mud kitchen, play dragons outside, write and act out plays, all kinds of things. They need big chunks of time to do this. I could talk about the benefits of free play time, but that is a topic for another post.
Above, I came downstairs one morning to find Anderson and Samuel like this. They said they were having breakfast in bed. 🙂 They dragged couch cushions over to the kitchen, fixed cereal, found a tray, and were happily eating breakfast in bed! Such a fun activity with many problems to solve on the way. (like how they couldn’t eat off the same tray so Samuel had to get out of his bed and eat on the floor:))
Let your kids devise a project, activity, hobby to work on, then let them go at it! Only step in when asked or you see they’re extremely frustrated.
Here’s a video on why problems are good for kids: