We have a great buddy system where the first 5 each have a buddy with the younger 5. Here’s a post all about it!
Naming the Buddies
Our first 5 kids start with K, M, S, A, and T (Kylie, Madalyn, Spencer, Alexis and Thomas.) Then we had a stillborn and a miscarriage. We named the stillborn Julianne so I know we hadn’t thought about the buddy system at that time but I think it was shortly after that that we committed to 10 children and said we’d name the next 5 kids with the same letters as the first 5: K, M, S, A, and T. So they were named Kaitlyn, Makenna, Samuel, Anderson and Talea.
Coincidentally they were each born 10 years apart from their buddy. So Kylie and Kaitlyn were born in 2000 and then 2010, Madalyn and Makenna were born in 2002 and 2012, Spencer and Samuel were born in 2003 and 2013, etc. Some were born in the exact same month and others were close. They all love that.

Kylie is the first to get her buddy, Kaitlyn! This picture was taken at the strawberry patch. She was so excited to take her new buddy there and share one of her favorite places with her.
In 2017 the last little buddy is born and our family is complete. From right to left the older buddies are Kylie, Madalyn, Spencer, Alexis and Thomas. Then again right to left the younger buddies are Kaitlyn, Makenna, Samuel, Anderson, and baby Talea.
In 2019 The children each stand with their buddies. They are almost in age order. Starting with the 2nd from the left it’s Kylie and Kaitlyn, then Madalyn and Makenna, Spencer and Samuel, Alexis and Anderson. Then going back to the left again, it’s Thomas and Talea. Their ages are almost 19 and 9, 17 and 7, 15 and 5, 13 and 3, almost 12 and 2.
Shoulder angel buddy picture. They love to do the shoulder angel pose with their buddies but now they’re starting to get to be too big!
What Our Buddy System Looks Like:
I am very cautious about asking my children to do too much sibling care so they do NOT care for their buddy on a daily basis. I mean, they’re not responsible to get their buddy dressed, get them breakfast, help them with school, etc. Often buddies take initiative and do help out but it’s not part of their responsibilities. That is my job. I feel like that could build resentment and I would never want that so I do as much as I can. Then when I’m in a pinch and need a little help I first ask the buddy. And it goes both ways. If we’re running out the door and a child can’t find her shoes and I’m sitting on the couch having just finished nursing and still burping the baby while simultaneously packing the diaper bag, I will ask an older buddy to help find the shoes. Going the other way, if we’re ready for dinner and an older child is in their bedroom I’ll choose the younger buddy to go get him for dinner. If the big buddy is sick I may ask the younger buddy if she’d like to help me make some applesauce and bring it to her.
A few more times I rely on buddies:
(And keep in mind I went to these places on my own. If my husband had come I wouldn’t have had to rely on the buddies as much.)
- When we’re on a field trip like the zoo, each older child helps me keep track of their buddy.
- When we’re on a car trip, each older child takes their buddy into the gas station or rest stop bathrooms while I’m pumping gas or nursing the baby in the car.
- When we go to a relative’s house or a church dinner the older buddy helps the younger one go through the line and dish their food up before getting their own. This one is particularly helpful as I usually went to these things on my own and I can only hold so many plates!
I don’t know any friends who use the buddy system so I have no idea if ours is a good one or not but it works for us. I feel good about it and that I’m not misusing the oldest 2-3 children by having them help with all of the younger children day in and day out. If they are asked to help, it will be just with their buddy. But of course, they’re welcome to help anyone at any time and they often do.
Thomas giving Tilly a shoulder ride on a long hike. When it was time to leave the library I went around looking for the kids and found Thomas coloring with Tilly in a comfy chair. It was sooo sweet! Tilly helps me milk Maisy but this rainy summer day she asked if Thomas could help her milk.
Buddies are a special relationship
They view their buddy relationship as something special. When they get to driving age they’ve taken their buddies out for a date like ice cream or to a play. Sometimes they buy them something special at Christmas or their birthday even if they didn’t draw their name. They love taking buddy pictures during family photo shoots. They love randomly wearing matching clothes on a regular school or church day. I know they keep an extra eye out for their buddy at other times like campfires and helping them roast a marshmallow. They often comb their buddy’s hair on Sundays or notice if their tie isn’t tied right.
- Buddy photo at family photo sho
- Alexis and Anderson at family photo shoot
One of my favorite things is that they’ve been the one to want to teach them things like tying shoes, riding a bike, writing their name, learning a song on the piano, or memorizing a poem. It makes my heart fill with joy seeing the pride of an older buddy taking responsibility of teaching their younger one. Lastly I love moments like when little buddies will randomly jump on their buddy’s back and say, “Give me a ride, Buddy!!” and off they go galloping around the room even though the buddy was trying to leave somewhere. It’s the sweetest thing. They have a very special love that seemed to have started before they were even born.
Buddy Pregnancies
Speaking of before they were born, each child was thrilled to learn their buddy was on its way. I told them first that I was pregnant and together we planned a way to tell the others. That was really fun and special. With Alexis, I told her I wanted to take her on a Mommy date. I had an extra pregnancy test from the dollar store so I brought that along even though I already knew I was pregnant. We went to a fancy grocery store and went to the bathroom first. I told Alexis I may be pregnant and would take a test to see. Even though she was only 9 years old, she was very mature. I didn’t do this with any of my other kids, but I felt it would mean a lot to her if she got to see the pregnancy test. So I peed on the stick and came out and we watched it together give the two lines that I was pregnant! She was so excited! I told her I thought we could do a baby themed dinner so we went around the store and bought everything she wanted that was baby themed: baby carrots, baby back ribs, baby potatoes, etc. For dessert we bought a bag of Baby Ruths to give to each person.
That night was so fun making the dinner together and serving it. We tried to give hints about the dinner, but it took awhile for my husband and the other kids to catch on, which made it really fun for Alexis and me. Finally at the end of dinner we asked what they thought about the dinner and what was in common with it all. They were like, “Baby carrots? Tiny potatoes? Ribs? I don’t get it.” Then we had everyone look under their chairs where we taped a Baby Ruth bar. Then Nathan said, “Baby Ruth? Are you pregnant?” And everyone cheered. It was really fun.
Alexis was also allowed to come to the ultrasound with me and then make a pinata with blue candy in it when we found out it was a boy. She was super gung-ho about her buddy and also wanted to come to Kid to Kid with me and buy clothes, pacis, anything we needed. She acted like this baby was hers and wanted to get him so much. We were super poor so we didn’t, but I tried to let her help pick out the necessities. She was the first one to hold him when the kids came to the hospital and she regularly held him while I exercised, showered, cleaned,cooked, and packed (we moved a few months after he was born.) He was a difficult baby who cried a lot so I know he was given as her buddy because she’s always been my child who has loved babies the most and God knew she’d take the best care of him. The other kids didn’t even like holding him much because he cried and we’d never had a crying baby before. She did such a good job helping with him, never getting frustrated, but only loving him more and more that on his first birthday the older kids made her a certificate that said, “Buddy of the Year Award” And listed all the things she did like a year of holding, changing, burping, soothing a cranky baby. It was so sweet! I’m so glad they recognized her devotion to him.
When Spencer was getting a buddy I felt to do the opposite. I told all the kids but him and we planned a surprise for him. We went to the park and told Spencer we had a surprise for him. All the kids stood at different spots all over the huge playground: top of the slide, bottom of a firepole, on a bridge, etc. They each held a Halloween bag even though it was March. I gave Spencer a trick-or-treat bag and told him he gets to go trick-or-treating. He went to each child over and over, sometimes getting candy like Baby Ruth or Sugar Babies, sometimes getting a baby item like a paci, baby toy, burpcloth, etc. He thought it was just the baby’s stuff (it was) but finally at the end we all yelled, “Your buddy’s on his way!” And that he’d be coming at Halloween. It was really fun for him. His birthday is also in October so he loved it.
Buddy Births
It’s so tender seeing how excited a child is for their buddy to be born. At the hospital the kids made the rule that the buddy was the first to hold the new baby. Here are all the kids with their new buddies. Sorry the pictures are all different sizes. I guess we had a new camera with each baby.
Buddy Relationships Now
Now the 4 oldest children are in college so they’re not here to help their buddies, yet their buddy relationship is just as strong. They make a conscious effort to text their buddy, be interested in their life, ask for pictures of special moments, and things like that. When they come home they want a buddy picture, a buddy date, or just give special attention to their buddy like do a tea party with them, play soccer with them, or give them a hair cut. I love it. All of the children are close but it makes me feel good that there’s an extra person watching out for, praying for, and loving unconditionally this child.
- Makenna and Madalyn on a buddy date.
- Thomas will play anything Talea asks him
- When I took all 10 on a hike last summer,they all held hands and hiked with their buddies. I was surprised and touched.
- Group buddy date. The K’s and M’s.
Final Words
I’m so glad we did the buddy system. When the children were younger it helped me out to make sure everyone was taken care of when I couldn’t help multiple kids at the same time. Now I’m grateful for it because I see how much it’s bonded them. I know they’ll always be there for each other. I love seeing all my children so close and I get an extra burst of love when I see buddies doing things together or caring for each other. It’s the sweetest. If you’re considering having a buddy system, do it!